Boogerking presents "Black Walnuts- a Tale of Autumn Tragedy (now with pictures.YES!!)"

One day Bob, Boogerking's roomate, and his girlfriend came home to find him engaged in one of his favorite hobbies...

Bob's girlfriend was pissed because she slipped on a smelly green marble while unloading groceries from the car.She insisted that Boogerking and Bob rake up all the walnuts from the yard.

"Fu*k that", replied Bob just before a well placed beercan collided with his forehead leaving a nasty welt (Boogerking had not yet drank that particular beer).Bob's girlfriend proceeded to explain that the walnuts were "poisonous" to all the other plantlife and could not be left to rot until spring as Boogerking had suggested.With a sigh, Boogerking reluctantly agreed to rake the walnuts the next day adding that "help would be appreciated but not expected" as Bob's girlfriend is an authentic kid-nabbing,cauldron swilling,broom piloting witch (although not as hot as the one depicted but probably just as slutty).

The next day Boogerking arose at dawn and met his fate btu not after careful preparation for the task at hand...

Raking walnuts turned out to be more daunting than Boogerking originally thought.There were so many and because they were so big only a few would fit on a shovel at one time."This blows", mused Boogerking, "There must be a better way". Feeling defeated, Boogerking took a break at the bar to discuss more effective walnut removal techniques with the locals.By far the greatest concept came from a very drunk hillbilly who knew his stuff....

Feeling rejuvenated Boogerking returned to the house expecting to find the unfinished business of bagging the walnuts.What he saw when he got back amazed him.During the hours he spent at the bar a mighty breeze had picked up and had dislodged the remaining walnuts from the branches of the trees.The result,more walnuts all over the yard.

"Well aint this some sh*t!", exclaimed Boogerking.Frustrated and beaten, he filled his containers with what walnuts he had gathered into piles then began the nightmare all over again.Finally, as the last waning moments of sunlight left the sky, the job was done.

As Boogerking carried the bags and boxes of walnuts to the curb for trash day he casually tossed a single walnut on the driveway thinking, " I hope Bob's girlfriend slips on this and breaks her f-ing neck." THE END

Did booger or bob at least get laid after all this bullsh*t?

booger didn't want any of that swank, Bob on the other hand did her in the mess and then (as GSWgirl said), told her to get her own lazy ass out there and pick up the walnuts her damn self. And bring him a beer on the way!

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The End!

What a b!tch! tell her to get her own lazy ass out there and pick up the walnuts her damn self. And bring you a beer on the way!

And get on her knees and service you!!!! LOL (I can't believe I just said that)

you sound like a good wife, spot! ;-)

Damn, if you ever move to the east coast and need a place to crash....

Ahh booger, I would kill you!!! But I guarantee you'd die with a smile on your face!!!

Well that's a better final arrangement plan then what I had in mind.I was thinkin' dumpster.Save the kin some money, ya know?

Females.... always stepping on our nuts and telling us to clean up the mess. What a bunch of crap.

Men, always thinking with their nuts!!!! LOL

i think with my head :P

me too...

Head of what????

take a guess. lol

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate those damn things....

They are an abomination from above!

boog u must be bored.... Very niiiiice

Dude,it was such a pain in the ass cleaning those things up.

they stink too when the start to decompose!!!

sorta like the Mildewers!!!

HAH!! CC Sabatical was a joke. But man,yeah,those things f*cking smell awful!

yeah i do not like cleaning em and the smell is just awful.... i pay the neighborhood kids to do that kinda s***

i remeber someone told me awhile ago you can make booze outta them!!! wonder if that's true???

Hold the phone....I can drink them?????? LIL, I have boxes and bags, maybe three tons of the damn things.

my boy is full of useless info!!!! but a big lush!!!

You're a fine man boogerking.

I would have cut the f*cking tree down. Kudos to you.

I thought about it, ms.lisa, but walnuts are easy too remove than a whole tree.Plus,the squirrels would move into the "backup" car.

Good lord look at that grammar! "walnuts are easier to remove than" - WTF?!

That's alright. My time spent on YB has enabled me to translate all kinds of stuff.

Oh yeah. That's true...

Next time scout the neighborhood. I bet there are all kinds of lkids that would do it for chump change.

Kind of reminds me when my grandpa used to pay us to go pick up pine cones.
As an adult, I realize it was just a ploy to keep us busy, so they could drink beer and laugh at us.
I miss him :( He was genius. lol!

The people on my street don't employ their children to clean up their OWN yards.I doubt I'd have much luck. I miss my grandpa,too. Had a great singing voice,loved ketchup, and called his gazebo a "jazzbo" because the sticker explaining how to open and close the windows was misspelled.Also,very good fisherman, but then I guess most grandpas are.

You know, you are probably right. Times have changed..a lot.

Man, you make me miss your grandpa. lol.
I love how he pronounced gazebo because of how it was spelled on the sticker. Too funny.

and i thought you were an enviornmentalist???

Well, I'm not a tree hugger or anything. I wouldn't really cut down the tree, though. I'm far too lazy for that. lol

Boog...tantalizing story, I must agree with most comments on here. Your a better man for going thru that BS..

I feel it,jcc. I really do.

Great story- but why the pick of me?

So that IS you, huh Mom? I knew it! Hanging out in the pinelands with the Blair Witch and the Jersey Devil!!!