Pat "Deep Dish" Bertoletti... in the Yard

Asparago is the name and competitive eating is the game.

First off I want to thank Yardbarker for allowing me to blog about the growing sport of competitive eating. I would also like to welcome all readers. I am a Chicagoan and have lived in parts of Chicago for my entire 22 years. The competitive eating circuit has been good to me and has ignited a passion in mass consumption of food. I started at a pizza contest after getting 4th place and the Greek goddess of overeating (Glutonnia) looked down upon me and decided that I had what it took to continue in search of gustatory glory.

After that fateful day over 3 years ago I started entering contests all around the states convincing anyone I could to be my travel partners. I have over 100 contests under my belt and still get complete enjoyment out of every minute of it. Thankfully that belt has not grown in girth. The camaraderie with other eaters, the competition, travel, the element of getting in the zone, and that there is no coach or teammates to help you is what leads to my contentment in this sport. It's a sport of pure mental fortitude and it's an exiting feeling when you are dialed in and consume astronomical and inhuman amounts of food. I am currently ranked number 2 by the Major League eating organization with achieving that number 1 ranking my overall goal.

Eating background aside, my weekly profession has just as much to do with food as the later part time job/ hobby. I graduated with a bachelors degree in culinary arts from Kendall college last year and have been obsessed with everything food ever since. Flavors are what define my life and experiences while everything else takes a back seat as far as I'm concerned.

Now that you know a little something about me the subject at hand must be addressed. Our first Yardbarking blog will focus on the deep fried asparagus contest in Stockton California this April 26th. It's a 10 minute contest and will find myself going up against the number 1 ranked eater- Joey Chestnut. It's a food I have not competed with in 2 years and is one I will be a little rusty on. The only solution to overcome this is to do a practice run where I will borrow the deep fat fryer at work and to cook off a batch of golden tempura battered vegetables. There are a few different tests that would be beneficial in this practice run. One would include matching a liquid that would mask the noxious taste of the asparagus. Another would entail picking a technique that I will use in the competition. This would include finding the quickest and most efficient way to eat the asparagus and will aid in getting into a rhythm during the contest. This is more like a football coach outlining plays and game plans on a chalk board. Some include eating 2 or 3 at a time, eating the tip first, and or taking 2 bites then taking a gulp of liquid. The chosen technique is something I will strive to implement during the length of the contest. It's best to go in with an idea so time is not wasted in figuring it out during the contest. Going in too cocky without a plan usually ends up in a sub par finish or having to borrow a technique from someone else if their technique is faster and better than yours.

My plan of attack is to eat 2 spears at a time and to use as much wylers pink lemonade/ raspberry to get it down. Hopefully my gallon of hollandaise sauce will make it through airport security unscathed. There is no better dipping sauce for asparagus in my book.

It is a crap shoot as to who will come out on top. Joey will be hard to beat but nothing is impossible. I like to think that he is getting lazy and will not likely bring his a game. He has been king of the hill for too long and it's time for his rein of terror to end. In all likelihood the contest will be close. I don't imagine the winner out eating second place by more than half a pound. The winner of this event will be the eater that manages to get into the best rhythm as well having the best command of mind, body, and coordination on eating day. The rhythm is the most important part of the contest. It's a lot like dancing; it has to be a series of smooth movements and transitions. My white boy dancing should not be used as an example as to what good rhythm is. The desired moments would include bite, bite, bite, chew chew, and swallow. Some gulps of liquid will be thrown in, a belch here or there would be nice. And the piece de resistance would include a gentle shaking of the midsection and or jumping up and down forcing the food to settle into the bottom of the stomach, the smoother the process and less choppy the better. I can only hope that on April 26th my mind and body are in sync. I will make sure that my capacity and technique will be where they need to be, I just hope that my mind and body will meet me half way and that I can eat the way I know how.

Ciao, eat up and eat well,

-Pat "Deep Dish" Bertoletti