So you're relaxing at home in your suburban Green Bay bedroom, you've got a cold one by your side, getting ready to enjoy your favorite movie and right as you press play the damn phone rings. Who in the hell is calling you while you're watching your programs?
You pick it up and it's another one of those telemarketers asking you to do some stupid poll. Last time they called, they asked questions about who you were going to vote for in the 2008 presidential election. Who the hell has time for crap like that when your beer is getting warm? Right as you're getting ready to berate the jackass on the other end of the line, he tells you what he's calling about - he wants you to answer a few questions about Brett Favre. Finally.
Now before you chalk this up as just another Green Bay-people-are-obsessed-with-Favre rant from the guys at JoeSportsFan, just know that not even we could conjure up this kind of ridiculous scenario. Low and behold, some variation of it happened over 20,000 times this weekend . According to USA Today's Game On blog, every single phone number in the Green Bay White Pages was called on Sunday night asking three questions:
1.) Do you think the Packers should trade Favre?
2.) What should happen with Brett Favre?
3.) Would you feel betrayed if Favre went to another team and won a Super Bowl?
There are actual companies dedicating resources to asking Green Bay people their opinions about Brett Favre who has shockingly decided he might want to play again. For some reason, none of that is terribly surprising. Apparently, two other questions were nixed:
4.) Would you feel betrayed if Favre went to another team and threw a horrible interception to keep that team from going to the Super Bowl?
5.) Would you have Favre's children if it were physically possible?
It's official. The guy just won't go away.
Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth
"Six years ago the General Manager of the Cleveland Indians, Mark Shapiro, traded Bartolo Colon and Tim Drew to the Montreal Expos for Brandon Phillips, Grady Sizemore, Lee Stevens and Cliff Lee and have all four ever paid dividends." -- Tim McCarver
Well three of the four anyway, Tim. Turns out Lee Stevens played a grand total of 53 games and batted .222 for the Indians and hasn't played in the Major since.
__
"Duncan deep in the box, he holds it on the knob." - Mike Shannon
Because of Mike Shannon, Cardinals radio broadcasts are rated PG 13.
__
"More than anything, I like his body" - Joe Morgan on Ryan Braun
If only Braun threw a slide-piece, we might have to get somebody to hose down Morgan.
__
"He's starter material and we have a spot in the rotation" -- Tony LaRussa on Mark Mulder
Mulder's return to "starter material" lasted exactly three batters.
__
"The fact is that Brett Favre absolutely and positively is upset that he's not being wooed and wanted...he won't let go. He wants to be worshipped" -- Bob Ryan, PTI
And damnit as long as Chris Berman and Peter King are alive, he will be!
MTV Rock and Jock Proves it Still Has Some Favre Left
Last year around this time, we spent a few hundred words discussing how the once glorious mid-summer classic morphed into an oversaturated, boring commercialized sports exhibition.
This year, we have similar intentions, only for a completely different event: the MTV Rock and Jock Softball Game. Actually, we made that up, but somebody out there does have serious intentions to bring back Rock and Jock. And frankly, who could blame them?
Thanks to the miracle of technology, you can really make a difference in the lives of a few very special people by signing the "Resurrect Rock N Jock Petition".
To: Viacom, MTV
Enough is enough, people. With all this celebrity game show crap that every network is rolling out over the summer, why, Dear God why, hasn't MTV resurrected the greatest mixed celebrity and athlete competition franchise in the history of this and every other alternate universe: Rock N Jock.
The formula is simple. Take B-List stars of the moment, athletes in the offseason that want to hob-knob with celebs, mix in 1-2 A-listers, a trendy musical guest, a game of softball or basketball with modified rules and TA-DAH... you have a hit show. Honestly, MTV is running so many reality shows they could fill enough teams to necessitate a 4-team tournament by themselves. Everyone gets publicity for their latest projects in a gigantic egomaniacal circle jerk and we get the joy of watching musicians trying to hit a softball and athletes with no charisma trying to be interesting.
Boy, from the looks of that excerpt, Sean Salisbury was and still is a HUGE Rock N Jock fan. We had no idea. But seriously, we can't argue against singing that petition. Not when it could potentially bring back entertainment luminaries like Hammer, Dan Cortese, Bill Bellamy and Roger McDowell pitching in a skirt.
If only the Rock N Jock softball extravaganza would have had a red carpet special back in it's existence. There's no way it would have ceased.
Foxsports Proclaims A-Rod Not a True Mustache-Wearer
The Legacy of Billy Packer
With the news that Billy Packer has left his broadcast position alongside Jim Nantz, we thought it would only be appropriate to recall one of Packer's finest moments. It's not about a contrived controversey, a small school, or ingorantly comparing Allen Iverson to a primate. No, it's a quote that helps define the man who irritated basketball fans for years with his crusty, condescending persona.
In 2007, Packer revealed he doesn't own a computer or "tape machine" in a USA Today interview:
"Not that I know everything about basketball, but I like to go into games with some unknowns. I don't want to sit with a coach and ask him what he'll do. I like to play the game as I'm watching it... 90% of my life is spent on business, not TV".
"A lot of my ideas sound off-the-wall, but my history is pretty darn good in how things work out. People laugh at me, but CBS should hire America's most sophisticated pollsters to see how people watch the tournament. It would make the Nielsen's look so out of touch, it wouldn't even be funny. I challenge Nielsen that they're so far off, I'll put up the money and pay for the survey if I'm wrong."
To recap, Billy Packer has never been wrong - and challenges the common fan opinion that he won't be missed (even though he has a wildly original and awesome Mediaspace page).
Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Headline
The Bobber was thinking the same thing.
You pick it up and it's another one of those telemarketers asking you to do some stupid poll. Last time they called, they asked questions about who you were going to vote for in the 2008 presidential election. Who the hell has time for crap like that when your beer is getting warm? Right as you're getting ready to berate the jackass on the other end of the line, he tells you what he's calling about - he wants you to answer a few questions about Brett Favre. Finally.
Now before you chalk this up as just another Green Bay-people-are-obsessed-with-Favre rant from the guys at JoeSportsFan, just know that not even we could conjure up this kind of ridiculous scenario. Low and behold, some variation of it happened over 20,000 times this weekend . According to USA Today's Game On blog, every single phone number in the Green Bay White Pages was called on Sunday night asking three questions:
1.) Do you think the Packers should trade Favre?
2.) What should happen with Brett Favre?
3.) Would you feel betrayed if Favre went to another team and won a Super Bowl?
There are actual companies dedicating resources to asking Green Bay people their opinions about Brett Favre who has shockingly decided he might want to play again. For some reason, none of that is terribly surprising. Apparently, two other questions were nixed:
4.) Would you feel betrayed if Favre went to another team and threw a horrible interception to keep that team from going to the Super Bowl?
5.) Would you have Favre's children if it were physically possible?
It's official. The guy just won't go away.
Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth
"Six years ago the General Manager of the Cleveland Indians, Mark Shapiro, traded Bartolo Colon and Tim Drew to the Montreal Expos for Brandon Phillips, Grady Sizemore, Lee Stevens and Cliff Lee and have all four ever paid dividends." -- Tim McCarver
Well three of the four anyway, Tim. Turns out Lee Stevens played a grand total of 53 games and batted .222 for the Indians and hasn't played in the Major since.
__
"Duncan deep in the box, he holds it on the knob." - Mike Shannon
Because of Mike Shannon, Cardinals radio broadcasts are rated PG 13.
__
"More than anything, I like his body" - Joe Morgan on Ryan Braun
If only Braun threw a slide-piece, we might have to get somebody to hose down Morgan.
__
"He's starter material and we have a spot in the rotation" -- Tony LaRussa on Mark Mulder
Mulder's return to "starter material" lasted exactly three batters.
__
"The fact is that Brett Favre absolutely and positively is upset that he's not being wooed and wanted...he won't let go. He wants to be worshipped" -- Bob Ryan, PTI
And damnit as long as Chris Berman and Peter King are alive, he will be!
MTV Rock and Jock Proves it Still Has Some Favre Left
Last year around this time, we spent a few hundred words discussing how the once glorious mid-summer classic morphed into an oversaturated, boring commercialized sports exhibition.
This year, we have similar intentions, only for a completely different event: the MTV Rock and Jock Softball Game. Actually, we made that up, but somebody out there does have serious intentions to bring back Rock and Jock. And frankly, who could blame them?
Thanks to the miracle of technology, you can really make a difference in the lives of a few very special people by signing the "Resurrect Rock N Jock Petition".
To: Viacom, MTV
Enough is enough, people. With all this celebrity game show crap that every network is rolling out over the summer, why, Dear God why, hasn't MTV resurrected the greatest mixed celebrity and athlete competition franchise in the history of this and every other alternate universe: Rock N Jock.
The formula is simple. Take B-List stars of the moment, athletes in the offseason that want to hob-knob with celebs, mix in 1-2 A-listers, a trendy musical guest, a game of softball or basketball with modified rules and TA-DAH... you have a hit show. Honestly, MTV is running so many reality shows they could fill enough teams to necessitate a 4-team tournament by themselves. Everyone gets publicity for their latest projects in a gigantic egomaniacal circle jerk and we get the joy of watching musicians trying to hit a softball and athletes with no charisma trying to be interesting.
Boy, from the looks of that excerpt, Sean Salisbury was and still is a HUGE Rock N Jock fan. We had no idea. But seriously, we can't argue against singing that petition. Not when it could potentially bring back entertainment luminaries like Hammer, Dan Cortese, Bill Bellamy and Roger McDowell pitching in a skirt.
If only the Rock N Jock softball extravaganza would have had a red carpet special back in it's existence. There's no way it would have ceased.
Foxsports Proclaims A-Rod Not a True Mustache-Wearer
The Legacy of Billy Packer
With the news that Billy Packer has left his broadcast position alongside Jim Nantz, we thought it would only be appropriate to recall one of Packer's finest moments. It's not about a contrived controversey, a small school, or ingorantly comparing Allen Iverson to a primate. No, it's a quote that helps define the man who irritated basketball fans for years with his crusty, condescending persona.
In 2007, Packer revealed he doesn't own a computer or "tape machine" in a USA Today interview:
"Not that I know everything about basketball, but I like to go into games with some unknowns. I don't want to sit with a coach and ask him what he'll do. I like to play the game as I'm watching it... 90% of my life is spent on business, not TV".
"A lot of my ideas sound off-the-wall, but my history is pretty darn good in how things work out. People laugh at me, but CBS should hire America's most sophisticated pollsters to see how people watch the tournament. It would make the Nielsen's look so out of touch, it wouldn't even be funny. I challenge Nielsen that they're so far off, I'll put up the money and pay for the survey if I'm wrong."
To recap, Billy Packer has never been wrong - and challenges the common fan opinion that he won't be missed (even though he has a wildly original and awesome Mediaspace page).
Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Headline
The Bobber was thinking the same thing.
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