Kimbo Slice Pops Thompson's Ear like a Pregnant Zit

I am not an MMA fan by any far stretch. To prove this I admit to covering my eyes like a 7 year old boy during a romantic make-out scene whenever someone's arm or leg is bent in even a slightly unnatural position. That said the Kimbo Slice fight Saturday night was pure crash-on-the-side-of-the-road-rubbernecking entertainment. It had circus side-show appeal with a moron from Manchester, England who is straight up dumb as rocks for daring to challenge a human killing machine like Kimbo slice with a swollen troll-style ear boil. I'm talking Rocky IV appeal here with the crowd cheering for Kimbo only to be let down by his lack of on-the-mat skills. Also, by mid first round Kimbo just ran out of steam. At the end of the match he could barely talk as he gave his "this one was for God" speech as if he was an underdog with a spectacular comeback in an all important symbolic fight to end communism. Sorry Kimbo you barely won your third fight ever, you ain't no Rocky.

That said it was an incredibly entertaining fight. The fight began with a montage of the Youtube videos that made Kimbo famous and the announcer remarked that he lived in a Pathfinder and went to the bathroom "wherever he could." Kimbo came out with his massive wingspan expecting to land a few stunning punches on Thompson that would lock up the easy victory but to his dismay, the british bone head had other plans. Thompson easily took Kimbo to the ground several times but failed to have the brute strength to keep him there. At one point he had Kimbo in a submission hold that looked like lights out for our Youtube hero. Kimbo assured the ref with a wave that he was merely resting his big leathery head while Thompson tried to strangle him with all his might. Again, Kimbo was down for the count--or maybe just taking a quick nap--after Thompson all too easily toppled the tyrannosaurus Rex-like beast who lacked the stamina it takes for an MMA fight but after about fifty or so pats on the head and skull grinds into the cage Kimbo, to the crowds surprise, easily muscled his way back to his feet. By round three Thompson finally tired to Kimbo's level and botched a take down. Kimbo took this opportunity and landed several massive right hooks swelling the dim witted Brit's face to a well ripened puss filled balloon. After each debilitating blow Thompson's eyes became more misaligned and his gross ear flapped from each shock wave. The fight ended when Kimbo landed a final massive blow to Thompson's left ear that burst into a climactic spray of blood and zit-puss. Kimbo got two more punches in to the bloody bologna sandwich hanging from the left side of Thompson's head before the ref had called the fight and awarded the TKO. Though Thompson protested the stopping of the match the ref was clearly in the right as Thompson's ear was water-falling blood and puss onto his left shoulder and his eyes were criss crossed in opposite directions above his busted Rudolph-nose.

Kimbo pulled this one off but now exposed is the chink in his armor. He's out of shape and can't do anything but punch people really hard. To his credit he did remark that he had a lot to learn and that Thompson was a worthy opponent. From this fight, two things are for sure. Kimbo Slice can be beaten and Elite XC has a gold mine on their hands.