Yardbarker: Kurt Angle

Top 7 :: American Falls from Grace in the Summer Olympics (since 1984)

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 00:38:37 -0500

Even if events like the shot put or guys rowing in a lake don't interest you a whole lot, it is still nice to know that the Summer Olympics are fast approaching, which means that there is something to have on in the background if you're home during the day besides The Price is Right or Karate Kid II. It is also fun to be able to root for your entire country at once, as neighborhood, city, state, and team rivalries can go away for a few weeks. All you need is Hacksaw Jim Duggan to start up a good ole USA! chant. Over the last couple of decades we have seen some Americans do extremely well in the Olympics only to have one of those dreaded falls from grace. Basically, it's the anti-Mary Lou Retton, since she stayed consistently famous after her gold medal in gymnastics in 1984 without ever doing anything else sports-wise. This week's Top 7 looks at American falls from grace in the Summer Olympics.

7. Carl Lewis

Many people who can remember his Olympic days think of him as one of the most amazing athletes that they have seen. Unfortunately for Carl, anyone who can't remember that, as well as many who do, only recall his legendarily bad national anthem.

6. Christian Laettner

Bird, Barkley, Jordan, Magic, Drexler, Ewing, Malone, Mullin, Pippen, Robinson, Stockton?Laettner. One does not go with the others. Living up to hype of being on the original Dream Team is tough, especially after one of the best college careers of all-time, but there were even some back then who wanted Shaq to be on the team instead. That would have looked much better now.

5. Tim Montgomery

Though he never qualified as an individual, he was on the 4 x 100 relay team at the 1996 games in Atlanta. BALCO, steroids, money laundering, and heroin dealing followed. If he were higher profile as an American Olympian, he'd be higher, like his ex.

4. Kurt Angle

He won the gold in heavyweight freestyle wrestling in Atlanta in '96. Some would consider simply joining the WWF a "fall from grace," but not the Top 7. Not at all. However, being essentially kicked out of the WWF for violating substance abuse policy absolutely is. It's like being kicked out of the infield at the Kentucky Derby for being too drunk.

3. Reebok

In many weeks prior to the 1992 Olympics in Barelona, Reebok ran commercials about who the world's greatest athlete was, Dan or Dave. Dave was Dave Johnson, Dan was Dan O'Brien, real American decathaletes who Reebok was banking on being at the Olympics. That changed when O'Brien failed to even make the Olympic team at the trials, which put a bit of a damper on their ad campaign.

2. USA Basketball

The original Dream Team in 1992 was the most epic team of our generation. Nothing since has come close to topping their rock star appeal. The McDonald's cups that featured each player caused pre-teens to drink around 600,000 calories of soda that summer (that Scottie Pippen one was impossible to find!). They also backed it up on the court, winning games by a margin between 35 and 70 points every game and having opposing players ask for their autographs. The irony of the deal was that the Dream Team's worldwide appeal caused its downfall, as countries around the world starting really getting into their hoops, while Americans became cocky. Before long, we weren't throwing our best team out there, Shawn Kemp was grabbing his crotch at foreign players, and the team ended up so unlikable that some Americans were rooting against their own country. It reached its pinnacle last Olympics when the U.S. settled for the bronze medal. This year, they have actually put together a team so it could turn around, but for now, it's a fall from grace.

1. Marion Jones

Since she is in a sport which doesn't get nearly enough attention, she is usually casually mentioned alongside Barry Bonds as another victim of BALCO going down, but hers is way worse. Bonds still has his records, MVPs, and other awards, and isn't halfway through a six-month prison term.

Top7 Living Sports Americans

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:25:04 -0500

In honor of our country's birthday, we look back one year to Top 7 writer Jason Major and his list of greatest living sports Americans. We also send special greetings to our men and women fighting to protect our freedom. Thank you for all of your efforts - and thank you to those who have served in the past to secure our freedom. Also, we send a special cyber-middle finger to Philly Inquirer columnist Chris Satullo, for his uber-negative column urging Americans to abstain from celebrating the 4th of July (no link either, as you don't deserve the easy traffic, Mr. Satullo). While the dicussions about your piece rage on and you no doubt bring extra discussion and extra online traffic to your paper's site, you also see the influx of readers who are cancelling their subscriptions as stated in the comments section. From a corporate standpoint, you are a shining example of why the newspaper industry is dying. Out of touch, crusty, unoriginal... the list of adjectives to describe you could go on and on. Also, very nice use of mainstream-elitist writing with your barrage of Plaschke-esque one sentence paragraphs. And Mr. Satullo, just as you have the freedom and the right to state your opinion, so do I: seriously, you are a miserable human being.
-- patrick imig (the views expressed in this mini-rant do not necessarily reflect those of the JoeSportsFan.com staff).

It only made sense to do something American since the Fourth of July comes next week. I thought for a couple of seconds about doing "Founding Fathers as Athletes," but that was too similar to the food mascots one?though just so you know, George Washington would have walked away with that particular list's top selection because he was a hoss! So I just made it very simple?top sports Americans.

The most loved Americans in sports, ones who are also distinctively American.

U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

7. Albert Pujols
He is an American citizen now, so any St. Louis-based list is insane not to have him on it. Like America, he is a world superpower who can punish unfriendly or uncooperative nations (opposing pitchers or teams) with sanctions (two-run doubles in the gap), or, if he has to, military engagement (walk-off three-run dongs).

6. Michael Jordan
There is no way that Michael Jordan can't make the list.

5. Shaq
He's fun loving and very much enjoys eating. He also has dreams of being Hollywood (Kazaam is so good), but when it comes down to it, wouldn't mind settling down as a simple blue-collar working police officer. Of course, rapping about a former teammate to taste your ass and having said badge revoked is equally American.

4. Tom Brady
Some would consider knocking girls up out of wedlock wholesomely American, but that's not what I'm talking about here. He consistently wins and has that prototypical "boy next door" thing that you hear regarding whites thousands of times per year.

3. Dusty Rhodes
How in the world can you leave someone named "The American Dream" off of the list? The gratuitous wrestling spot was going to go to Rick Derringer, writer of Hulk Hogan's "Real American," but I had to take a stand, it don't help to hide, and Dusty being a former world champion, outstanding dancer, and desire to wear polka dots gave him the nod here. Come to think of it, you could easily have an all-wrestling list here, with Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Hogan, Kurt Angle, and pre-Iraqi-sympathizer Sgt. Slaughter.

2. John Daly
Loves to golf, gets pissed off when he does badly, smokes and drinks on the course, gets girls to show their breasts, loses tons of money gambling. It's a wonder that he can't be #1.

1. Charles Barkley
He was never afraid to dunk on someone's head, sometimes just for the hell of it. He is proud of his massive weight problem and celebrates it by continuing to eat. He loves gambling, will say whatever the hell is on his mind, and parlays all of that into discussion of running for public office. He's also helped his country win a gold medal. Charles Barkley?sports' greatest American.

The Top 7 is written by Jason Major. He thinks the Iron Shiek is the world's greatest living Iranian. Email him at jason@joesportsfan.com

The Dream Team Vs. Team Pacman?

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 20:41:39 -0500

It's official! Kurt Angle and his new tag team partner Sting will defend the TNA tag team straps against Team Pacman — Pacman Jones and Ron "The Truth Killings — at the September 9 No Surrender PPV! Here's a clip from tonight's iMPACT! show… I have no idea how Pacman can wrestle in a match [...]

Ex-Steeler Pursues MMA Career

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 07:07:27 -0500

Anybody watch the EliteXC MMA show on CBS last Saturday? If you're a proud yinzer like me, you probably spent the night watching the Detroit Red Wings put the kibosh on our beloved Pittsburgh Penguins. Sadly, our quest for Lord Stanley's Cup was fruitless as they went down to ultimate defeat last night. As an aside, I don't want to sound like a whiny bitch, otherwise known as a Seahawk fan, but I'll never understand NHL officiating no matter how many games I watch. However, giving credit where credit is due, Detroit was the better team and a deserving champion. If not for the heroic efforts of The Flower, Marc-Andre Fleury, the Pens would've been swept in 4. Anyway, back to big sweaty tattooed men beating the snot out of each other. I posted that clip because it might be of interest to Steeler Nation. Last Saturday night, on that MMA show, a familiar name fought in an unaired prelim. Anybody remember Carlton Haselrig? C'mon, people! Haselrig was one of the most gifted offensive linemen we've ever had. You think Barry Foster, Bam Morris, and Eric Pegram gained all those yards by themselves? Haselrig served up more pancakes than IHOP. What's amazing is he never played ONE down of college football. He was an amateur wrestling star at Pitt. While there, he even beat future TNA Champion/WWE Champion/Your Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle. Three years later, he was in the Pro Bowl. Unfortunately, Haselrig was a, how to put this nicely, FREAKIN' NUTCASE. He once locked his keys in his car. Instead of using a coathanger to jimmy the lock, he decided to break the passenger window. WITH HIS BARE HAND. And that wasn't even his manliest incident ever. He was once arrested for driving his motorcycle. Yep, Big Ben's two-wheeled hijinks weren't the first time the Steelers have run afoul of the Chopper Gods. Poor Carlton also had a motorcycle-related incident, although he was wearing his helmet… BACKWARDS. But he was wearing it because, hey, if you're going to cruise through McKee's Rocks completely blind while on top of a 500 cc instrument of death, it's best to remember safety first. Upon being questioned by the fuzz, he reportedly said he did this because he "wanted to see if he could." That's the best reason to do anything, folks. So it should come as no surprise that Haselrig has decided to move on to manly pursuits which actually pay him money. Namely Mixed Martial Arts. Sure he's 42 years old. Sure he just started his new career in April. But this man is a 6 time NCAA wrestling champion. Even Angle admits he would've won a Gold medal had he pursued the Olympics. Instead he turned to football and dominated at something he had zero collegiate experience at. So I wouldn't bet against him. If he puts his mind to it, I truly think he can accomplish anything, athletically-speaking. UFC President Dana White, are you listening? I hear Brock Lesnar could use an opponent on a future card. Make it so!

Ex-Steeler Pursues MMA Career

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 07:07:27 -0500