Patriots OT Nick Kaczur was arrested with oxycodone, a highly addictive and illegal narcotic. Instead of taking his proverbial medicine, Kaczur elected to make additional purchases (to the tune of $4,000) from his dealer in order to stay out of jail, but when confronted by the media, he said, "I don't know what you're talking about, bro." Probably the same canned response he gives regarding Spygate. Cheaters, rats, what's next?

Buffalo Bills rookie WR James Hardy allegedly pulled a gun on his father during an altercation on Sunday. At least it was Mother's Day and not Father's Day. "Hardy's name has been removed from a police report regarding the incident, but other evidence pointed to Hardy pointing the gun at his father. Fort Wayne, Indiana police chief Rusty York confirmed that Hardy was the guy who allegedly pointed the gun."

Hardy was the team's second-round selection (#41 overall).

Update on hottie pole vaulter Melanie Adams, courtesy of With Leather.

"Eight teenagers have been arrested after filming the beating of another teen and threatening to post the video on the Internet, sheriff's officials said." Portions of the beating can be seen on this newscast.

Canseco: "Did I mention that I don't like the son of a bitch? Well, I don't. But that's not why I'm telling you this. I'm telling you this because he's a hypocrite and a liar." Canseco says that A-Rod is "not a bad ballplayer, with or without the steroids." 12 pages of photocopied book excerpts available at the link.

There's a new sheriff in town. Meet pole-vaulting flavor of the month, Melanie Adams.

"She's Australian, therefore born to sweat, and she's been vaulting since the age of 11. She has her sights set on the 2010 Commonwealth Games in Delhi and indeed on the 2012 London Olympics, and she looks up to the aboriginal Aussie Cathy Freeman and Tatiana Grigorieva, the Russian-Australian pole vaulter who won gold at the Commonwealth Games of 2002..."

Her friends include bloggers, Michelle Tafoya and pepper spray. Her worst enemies include Bruce Pearl's breath, Chris Berman, and underwear.

The best tattoo may be the guy who's not even playing: Scott Spiezio.

See how one Yankees fan responds in this parody video. "Of course he was aggressive; he's a world-class athlete!"

Isiah Thomas has reportedly banned Stephon Marbury from Madison Square Garden. The point guard who began rehab less than two weeks ago is no longer allowed to attend home games. Isiah believes that Marbury's public complaints fueled New York's collapse. Apparently Isiah is looking to point the finger everywhere except at himself.

Reportedly Knicks owner James Dolan may be ready to wake from his coma and strip Isiah Thomas of his title as team president; unfortunately, Zeke would remain head coach in this scenario. Firing him outright would make too much sense, I suppose.

The leading candidate to take over is Kiki Vandeweghe, whose real name is Ernest. Vandeweghe's mom won the Miss America title in 1952. He was born in Germany and his astrological sign is Leo. None of these Kiki facts are relevant, but frankly it's getting tiresome to talk about Isiah's failures. Someone, anyone, please stop the bleeding.

Boston Globe columnist Bob Ryan is neck-deep in Boston sports, and recently he suggested that Bill Belichick's lying and cheating may be enough to get him fired in New England. "There's a possibility that he won't be coaching next year because things keep tumbling out."

Roger Clemens pinky-swore that he did not attend the now-infamous 1988 Jose Canseco party that played a key role both in the Mitchell Report and the circus-like hearings in Washington. But the New York Daily News is reporting that an 11-year-old boy at the party "took photos of his baseball heroes, including Clemens."

"Using a complex statistical method, researchers concluded that one of the worst at shortstop is A-Rod's teammate, three-time Gold Glove-winner Derek Jeter. The findings were presented Saturday at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science."

Mike Mussina and Pedro Martinez are in love with themselves for not cheating. "You're a real man among boys, Mussina. I ought to warn you though: You and Pedro should not to pat yourselves on the back so hard. You're risking injury, which is particularly foolish in your walk years. And god knows the two of you have many more years to feel good about yourselves — doing crosswords and watching cockfights, that is."