Jeff Blanton did about as well as anyone could reasonably hope. He didn't pick up a loss. And while Santana was able to cripple our lineup, both starters became inconsequential due to a laughable performance by David Wright and the Mets bullpen in the ninth inning. The win felt great but it is unclear what, if any, contribution Blanton made towards the victory. There should be some concern about the long fly balls he gave up, though. In the matchbox that is Citizens Bank Park will we see him giving up home runs at a Myers-esque pace? Probably. Still, a win's a win. Even if it is doesn't get credited to the starter.

Boy, America sure loves a soft focus story about over-priveledged losers. ESPN succeeded in lionizing a former drug addict and Josh Hamilton became a saint last night. After squandering millions of dollars on life's less forgivable excesses, to the point of losing his dream job, Josh Hamilton became the kind of guy you'd want to show up at your kid's birthday party unannounced. Why? Because he hit some home runs off a 71 year old man? What kind of logic is this?

Imagine if Hamilton had been shooting steroids instead of coke and heroin.Would we be so quick to forgive and forget? I think we'd probably be booing him as a cheat. So, I conclude that steroids are much worse than heroin and coccaine, at least in the world of MLB. That's not to say heroin would've boosted his performance (although you probably shouldn't ask a hockey player about hard core drugs or Michael Irvin for that matter). I am all for people getting their s*it together after tearing their own lives apart but it should be a private story not an afterschool special at primetime. Oh yeah, and uh, if he pulled a Chase Utley and only hit 5 dingers I doubt we'd all feel so go about Christianity solving all our problems and turning us into heroes. I guess I'll start handing out bats and balls to the homeless so they can work on their swings. God bless the homerun. It cures cancer, feeds the starving, and erases your sordid past. Alright!!!!

Stink,stank,stunk. Brett Myers fell into the bullpen job last year because it was an easy move for mgmt. to make.Injuries provided an oppurtunity to remove Myers from the rotation, where he was horrible, and fill in for another mound king, Tom Gordon. Low expectations let him do a merely adequate job. Although the goateed wife beater had found the most probable role for the continuance of his baseball career the powers that be decided that he was in fact a starting pitcher.Nope.Sorry.Wrong.Now that we have a real closer and some backend pitching that doesn't fall apart in a stiff breeze there is simply no room for Myers anywhere on this team.Ok, maybe batboy.While I rejoiced at the news of his demotion to AAA I am concerned that he is still to close to the organization to prevent future debacles.The only safe option is to trade the bum, hopefully for a baseball player,and ensure no further confusion that Myers is actually some sort of a baseball pitcher.

Soccer is easily the most innane of the televised "international appeal" sporting events. The growing US Latino population is injecting some stateside popularity in the sport that is only slightly more complicated (or interesting) than jogging. While my exposure to the yawnfest that is soccer is purely forcefed, via pizza shops and brief Telemundo flybys thanks to failing remote batteries, I find this spectacle similar to watching grass grow. In fact, I believe that so little occurs during a match that the grass is noticeably longer after only five minutes of viewing which is also the approximate duration of a normal human being's tolerance of a soccer match before ennui shuts down the higher functions of the brain. Perhaps I will never understand the "sports" appeal, what with one guy with some garden gloves defending a net that is so big it could trap a whale (not that a soccer ball ever actually comes anywhere near the oppurtunity of going in the net and resulting a *shudder to think* change of score). Maybe if I lived in a country devoid of milk cartons and medium sized rocks so as to prevent a half assed game of basketball from being possible (or hey, stickball anyone?). All I know is there will be no situation, no cosmic occurence, no imbalance in the forces of nature that will allow me to ever sit and watch an entire soccer match. Here are ten things I'd rather do: 1.Lick a running chain saw. 2.Pour fire ants on my eyes. 3.Hang out in Camden, NJ all night. 4.Find out what's up with that whole bamboo under the fingernails thing. 5.See how much sakrete mix I can eat before it hardens in my stomach. 6.Check the space shuttle for lose pieces of foam. 7.Bathe in 10w-30 and habanero powder. 8.Have dinner with a couple of Mets fans from Long Island. 9.Explain the Iraq War to future generations. 10.Pay Ryan Howard's salary for the next ten years.

The list of guys I don't need to see back next year is so long it is probably easier for them to simply swap the entire roster for some other underachieving team. Here's who I don't need/want to see back next year.

Ryan Howard - has the ultimate excuse of being a power hitting first baseman. Way too expensive and no longer provides fun and/or excitement when he comes up to bat.

Pat Burrell - gives you a good month every year, then fades into uselessness. Also too expensive. Only slightly better at fielding than his Pat Burrell Rule 7th inning defensive replacement.Yes, you read that correctly. See the next entry for clarification.

So Taguchi - More like So What. As a defensive replacement he is actually worse than the player he comes in for. Also never,ever gets a hit.

Jayson Werth - If he's still with us next year it's because Ruben Amaro Jr. doesn't know how to trade for pitching, either.

Brett Myers - Sucks in the rotation, sucks in the pen. Why is he still here?

Tom Gordon - Sucks. Refuses to pitch one inning that doesn't become a nailbiter. Usually f*cks up. Get him the hell outta here.

Ryan Madsen - Was once considered a future starter. When he sucked at that they put him the 'pen. Useless.

Adam Eaton - Has publicly stated that he had his best stuff....after giving up 6 homeruns in four innings. 'nuff said.

Steve Smith/Milt Thompson - You've seen the Herrs Potato Chip commercial with the third base coach wiping his greasy hands all over his shirt thereby confusing the runner at first. That is not an actor. Milt Thompson is a fine hitting coach. Just don't ask him how to get Ryan Howard to stop swinging at the first three pitches he sees.

Carlos Ruiz - Would make a great catcher for the iron pigs. Also, will feel right at home in Allentown. Still wouldn't get a damn hit when it mattered.

It seems the Phillies aren't as good as we thought. Taking a page from the Eagles, the Phightins are having success blowing through the lousy teams and pitchers of the National League. However, the thrill of victory evaporates into the thin air of disappointment when they play a good team. I knew this week would be tough with the Red Sox and Angels coming to town but three losses in a row???? Obviously this club is not ready to compete with the best of the league. Bums like Brett Myers, Adam Eaton, Tom Gordon, and a line-up that scores twenty one night and gets shut out the next may be enough to compete with the likes of the Nats,Marlins,Braves, and (ugh)Mets. Still, the team's showing us this week that if the playoffs started tomorrow it will look pretty much the same as the dismal,ran out of gas performance we saw against the Rockies last year. For whatever reason, our line-up is just as capable as ever of getting shutout and the starting pitching, while consistently OK, is nothing to write home about. It will be a another week or so before we see another pushover opponent so cross your fingers and wish for Tom Gordon's retirement.

As I walked home from the train station there was some Brett Myers blowing around the platform. I also saw some Tom Gordon stuck in between the links of a chain link fence. Later that night I took a couple of bins full of Brett Myers and Tom Gordon out to the curb because tomorrow is Brett Myers day on my street. I also took out the recycling bin. The trains go by at night and often they are hauling Tom Gordon and Brett Myers to landfills in other cities. The stench can be horrendous during the summer but we learn to deal with it. I often wonder how a house with only three people living in it can generate so much Brett Myers and Tom Gordon in such a short time. I am not so lazy that I wont cut my lawn but when I do I seldom pick up any miscellaneous Tom Gordon that might be lying around. The result is that tiny bits of Brett Myers get violently ejected from the mower and intermingle with the freshly cut grass. It shouldn't be a big deal but for some reason I get mad if I notice a passerby throw some Brett Myers into my Tom Gordon can. I guess I should be happy that they didn't simply throw it on my lawn. I saw an amazing fact concerning the rampant level of american consumerism and waste. Apparently all of the Brett Myers generated in a single month by americans would fill a trench twenty feet wide and six feet deep from NY to LA. That's a lot of Tom Gordon.

A week of red hot bats and managable pitching has left the Fightin's with a 29-24 record. Tonight's game comes as the last of the first third of the season. A win will put the Phils on track to finish 90-72. Reaching the 100 win mark, and proving once again that JRoll's word is his bond, is entirely possible. There wont be much room for consecutive losses or bad series. But hey, I'm going optimistic for a change and saying I think they will do it. 100 WINS!!! ROLLINS WAS RIGHT AGAIN!!!!

I decided to spend Memorial Day with the Phillies triple A affiliate and man was it a blast! Having been to at least a dozen minor league parks I found Coca-Cola Park to be, easily, the best place to see a baseball game outside of Citizens Bank Park. Rated 4 stars by Ryan Howard after playing an exhibition game to open the stadium, there are a few things that made it a unique experience.First and foremost is 360 degree concourse that gives the field a completely open feel.Anyone who has been to Waterfront park in Trenton will attest to the Thunder's home having an oppressive quality due to the gigantic advertisement walls in the outfield. The 'Pigs digs feel wide-open and airy. The greatest feature is that the lack of actual seats in the outfield presents visitors with four different ways to view the game. The infield seating is traditional. Right field boasts a huge beer venue with standing areas, including a comfortable arm rail, that stretches the length of the outfield wall.Centerfield has a huge "blanket section" where you can sit in the grass or lean right over the fence, which is so short you can almost touch the warning track. Left field has a massive picnic area with about 60 assigned tables that are situated right up to the field.Here you can chow down from a gigantic bar-b-que pit. The best part is that the three "special" viewing areas are accesible with a ticket to any seat in the park.This means you can wander around and watch an inning or two at each of the different sections. Trust me, it was VERY cool. My designated seat was right in front of first base two rows from the field and cost a whopping nine bucks! Beers were $5.00 a pop. I drove about an hour and fifteen to get there from Pendel but found the experience to be well worth it and I cant wait to go again!

BONUS!!! - The Ironpigs, led by J.A. Happ defeated the woefully uncreatively named Indiana Indians (Pittsburgh affiliate) and the first basemen hit a HR that made fireworks shoot out of a giant Coke bottle. Yes!!

XTRA BONUS!!! - Coca-Cola Park was designed by the same folks who brought you Citizens Bank and Camden Yards. The Ironpigs are co-owned by the owners of the Reading Phillies and the Trenton Thunder. F***ing eh!!!

XTRA SPECIAL BONUS!!! - The first player to ever strikeout at Coca-Cola Park was Ryan Howard..looking.

The fabled "three-headed monster" that featured Duce Staley, Correll Buckhalter, and Brian Westbrook did not come about through design or plan.Instead it was quarreling over contracts, a draft day bust and a draft day boom that led to the formidable ground attack of the 2003 Eagles.

Staley, entering the final year of his contract was feeling squeezed by the depth chart and held out of training camp in attempt to force a new contract. At the time, the Eagles were still expecting great things to come from Buckhalter (who would later greatly disappoint the FO) and were impressed with diamond-in-the-rough Brian Westbrook (rookie year- 15gms 46rush/193yds 9rec/86yds 0tds).Clinging to the hope that Buckhalter was the RB of the future the Eagles made clear their intentions to move on without Staley in 2004.

The three backs split time equally and their successes of the year are as follows:

Staley 16games/4starts 96rush/463yds 5tds 36rec/382yds 2 tds

Buckhalter 15gms/5starts 126rush/542yds 8tds 10rec/133yds (led team in attempts and Tds)

Westbrook 15gms/8starts 117rush/613yds 7tds 37rec/332yds 4tds

Staley moved on to Pittsburgh and any issues over who the starting RB would be were resolved by a Buckhalter injury and the emergence of Westbrook as a premier back.

Flash forward to 2008. The offense is built around Brian Westbrook. Buckhalter has become slightly more than an annoyance,staying healthy in 2007, and at times has shown glimpses of what might have been.Newly aquired Lorenzo Booker has a similar skill set to Westbrook and may actually be the back that allows the Eagles to confidently part ways with Buckhalter after this season.It gets murky on the depth chart beyond here. Tony Hunt can neither block nor convince people that he's a running back and not a full back.Any believers in his ability to play FB should go back to square one...he can't block.Bottom line, I doubt he'll make the team this year. Ditto Ryan Moats.There are plenty of fans who aren't sure he's even on the team anymore.Moats is another "candidate" for transition to full back.Again, I will be shocked if he makes it through the cuts.

In 2003 we had three backs that were durable enough to carry 100+ times. You can match Westbrook to Staley and possibly Booker to Westbrook but who is going to be the counterpart to Buckhalter? Certainly not the man,himself. Just as the original three-headed monster wasn't planned no script is going to pull together three equal talents from the depth chart and experience the success of 2003 this season.

Sunday is the Phanatic's Birthday.Paying homage will be several of the most popular and/or recognizable mascots from around the league.Also in attendance will be one MR.Met. This simply will not do. I will not tolerate the defiling of a sacred tradition my a symbolic scumbag from N.Y.

Coincidentally, the Imperial Crown will be represented Sunday by no less than his Majesty Boogerking himself. As such you may post requests for what you wish to witness occur to Mr. Met during one of his random appearances.I have purchased tickets befitting of a King and will have the positioning required for an assault on mascotdom's laregest disgrace. Please keep your suggestions tasteful, painful, and don't worry if none of it's legal.

Ahmad Brooks became the newest addition to the Cincinnati Bengals' court log. He stands accused of punching a woman in the face and will be arraigned in June. The linebacker has hired Brett Meyers as his attorney.

Brooks was acquired in the third round of the 2006 Supplemental Draft and started at MLB in 2007 with a nice game on opening night. In game two he tore his groin and sat out the remainder of the season. Previous accomplishments include being kicked off the Virginia football team after his junior year for "numerous off-field incidents."

What are we going to do with Lito Sheppard?I didn't want to see him dumped for a mid round pick or two but now I wonder what the plan is since he wasn't moved.At this point his value to other teams is about zero.The extra '09 first round pick is a much more enticing bargaining chip and together they make a nice package to attempt a trade but it may be too late.I fully expect to see him back in the fall but how will they use him?Brown is a solid,dependable corner, an asset that I hope the Eagles don't dismiss lightly.The speculation of Brown moving to safety is grounded in the unproven theory that he can play the position competently.Does Brown simply take a demotion to third corner and hang on the sidelines for most of the game?Maybe.It probably isn't worth shuffling the roster and asking for positional changes due to the strong possibility that Lito will sustain yet another injury making all of this a moot point. Hopefully Lito will be healthy and productive and we can try to move him out next year.

Most of the draft recaps in local Philly papers offer the same explanation as to why it was acceptable for the Eagles to excuse themselves themselves from the first round, AGAIN. Apparently Andy Reid had a pick in mind (no one stated who this might have been) but the last minute offer from Carolina was "too good to pass up". Doesn't sound like Andy had a lot of confidence in his 19th pick. Trading down again with the first pick in the second round initially set off alarms that the Eagles were finally going to make a "big move". What actually occurred was far less dramatic and may have little impact on the '08 season. Reid busied himself this weekend collecting late round picks and spending them on positions of need with players that were largely unknown. (i'm calling bullshi* on anyone who claims to be a fan of Wheaton or McNeese State football). When all was said and done I was left with the impression that this draft class was very shallow and that the Eagles either had only a vague notion of what positions they wanted to fill or the talent pool was so small across the board that a solid list of goals was impossible to map out.

Overall I am unexcited about the incoming players.The draft classes of our divisional rivals seem more potent.Desean Jackson and Lorenzo Booker are the highlights.They should be enough to prevent another special teams debacle.Their impact on the offense will remain questionable until the fall. The rest of the crop, including Trevor Laws, have A LOT to prove during camp.

Like a comet hurtling into the sun Mike Mayock and Mel Kiper are speeding toward the inevitable conclusion of their annual usefulness(?). Weeks of guiding us through team needs, devising everchanging lists of the "top ten picks", and expounding on the athletic talents on display at the NFL obstacle course are finally concluding. They will, as usual, mostly be incorrect if only by a draft position or two.As of this time the draft is twenty minutes away and I have no more idea who will go where than I did in March despite the efforts of these two draft "experts". Of course there will be a week or so of draft recaps featuring Mayock/Kiper ratings on who had the best overall draft but even they will eventually sputter and die out.Only then will they be returned to the attic at NFL Network to wait with the plastic X-mas tree and long-forgotten marching band instruments until next year when it will be time to evaluate a new crop of NFL candidates.

When I tuned into NFL Network today the first thing I saw was a pseudo-dictionary entry from "Mayock-isms" that defined "Bubble-Butt". Apparently there was nothing more to add concerning the draft as of noon today. Sure hope he's wrong about the Eagles picking CB at 19!