According to Joe Biden, Joe Biden never backed down from a fight a€" even the time he found himself face-to-fist with Samantha Beal, a nine-year old bully who administered a beating the Delaware Senator will never forget. While advisors are urging him to use discretion and "pull his punches" in tonight's debate (lest he appear to be bullying the Alaskan governor), the Democratic VP nominee remembers the Samantha Beal beat-down "like it was yesterday" and vows to "come out smoking."

NEW YORK (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) a€" In a People magazine cover story this week, Clay Aiken acknowledged what was blindingly obvious the moment he debuted on "American Idol" in 2003: he's (gasp) gay. While it was a revelation on par with learning that bears relieve themselves in heavily wooded areas, it apparently resonated with at least three NFL stars harboring long-held "secrets." (More)

A story in the New York Times reports that twelve retired players are planning to leave their brains to a new center at Boston University's School of Medicine devoted to studying the long-term effects of concussions. TSD has now learned that researchers affiliated with the new center have been harvesting brains from former athletes within hours of their death. The brains were taken from both professional and amateur athletes, ranging from former NFL linemen to sixty-five year old Rick "Beanhead" Templeton, a softball legend who was known to crash head-first into a beer keg after clubbing a round tripper (he hit 843 in his career -- home runs and kegs). (More)

A story in the New York Times reports that twelve retired players are planning to leave their brains to a new center at Boston University's School of Medicine devoted to studying the long-term effects of concussions. TSD has now learned that researchers affiliated with the new center have been harvesting brains from former athletes within hours of their death. The brains were taken from both professional and amateur athletes, ranging from former NFL linemen to sixty-five year old Rick "Beanhead" Templeton, a softball legend who was known to crash head-first into a beer keg after clubbing a round tripper (he hit 843 in his career -- home runs and kegs). (More)

Dolphins linebacker throws Pats off game with an unending string of off-color insults and sexual single-entendres "We let Joey Porter get in our heads," said Patriots safety Rodney Harrison. "The mouth on that guy, sheesh. Nothing's off limits -- if it's not the 'c' word it's the 'mf' word. At one point I pulled him aside and said, 'hey, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.' He said ok, shook my hand and complimented my wife on the size of her breasts and her ability to perform a certain sex act involving a rolling pin, a staple gun and a studded dildo. Can you believe that guy? What a cad."

Recent signing of Russian Strongman Vladimir Putin adds to agent's fast-growing -- and highly alarming -- stockpile of strongmen, headcases and malcontents.

MIAMI (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) There have long been fears of Rosenhaus' rise, given his conspicuous -- some would say mad -- lust for power. And the lengths he would go to humiliate his conquests. "I love the smell of boiled flesh and bone in the morning -- though it's also quite invigorating just after a late-afternoon nap," said Rosenhaus in an interview he gave to Playboy four years ago, as he tended to a bubbling cauldron containing what looked like a human head. (More)

(Photo caption: From Super Agent to Lone Super Power: Drew Rosenhaus makes no secret of his global ambitions, as evidenced by a recent picture with a new client, the crowned head of an international hamburger concern.)

With a new OJ trial about to start, Stephen A. Crockett Jr, a writer for the Root (http://www.theroot.com/id/48061), an online magazine offering black perspectives on politics and culture, asked "can't we please just pawn O.J. off to some other race?" I'm not sure any other race would have him. I guess it depends on what we (if I can speak for the Caucasian race) could offer/unload in return. And what would be deemed equal value (or lack thereof). I mean, I'm perfectly willing to package Roger Clemens, Dick Cheney and a pedophile to be named later. Ok, oka€¦Cheney is asking a lot, unless you're bundling OJ with someone like Bonds or R. Kelly. But let's not get too complicated; let's take Cheney off the table and replace him with Phil Gramm or some white guy we can pin the current financial meltdown on. I'd take that deal in a heartbeat. Though I'm open to ideas. Got any?

Sunday was one of the most nerve-wracking days in the history of the NFL, as two of Wall Street's most venerable, albeit troubled, institutions a€" Lehman Brothers and Merrill Lynch a€" were on the brink of liquidation. As the drama unfolded in New York City boardrooms, the tension gripped teams around the league, as players had more to lose than just a stupid game.

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) Patriots coach Bill Belichick made what at first blush appeared to be a brutally honest assessment of his offense, as the Pats enter week two without the services of injured quarterback Tom Brady. Little did he know it would spark a major controversy as his team prepares to play their division rival NY Jets this Sunday in the Meadowlands.

AUSTIN (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) For several days, there were rumors that Lance Armstrong is returning to competitive cycling and will ride for a Kazakhstan-financed team based in Belgium. Yesterday, the rumors were semi-confirmed when a bushy-haired man in a green thong was seen riding alongside Lance on the back roads of Austin.

Two miles into the ride, the man, who is believed to be the celebrated Kazakh journalist Borat Sagdiyev, pulled to the side of road, bent over in obvious pain. Emergency workers arrived and deployed the "jaws of life" to extract the thong that had stubbornly lodged between his buttocks and relieve the intense pressure and "strangulating action" it had exerted on his testicles. (More)

AUSTIN (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) For several days, there were rumors that Lance Armstrong is returning to competitive cycling and will ride for a Kazakhstan-financed team based in Belgium. Yesterday, the rumors were semi-confirmed when a bushy-haired man in a green thong was seen riding alongside Lance on the back roads of Austin.

Two miles into the ride, the man, who is believed to be the celebrated Kazakh journalist Borat Sagdiyev, pulled to the side of road, bent over in obvious pain. Emergency workers arrived and deployed the "jaws of life" to extract the thong that had stubbornly lodged between his buttocks and relieve the intense pressure and "strangulating action" it had exerted on his testicles. (More)

"A backup QB is a heartbeat away from the starting job," said Belichick. "The first thing you ask for in a backup QB is can he take over the starter goes down? While Cassel hasn't taken a whole lot of snaps in a relatively uneventful career, he has more experience than many starters in this league. Take Brett Favre. Great quarterback who's had a great career a€" but when has he ever been asked to step in on a moment's notice to carry a team? Exactly."

Unable to land a starting or backup job, 31 year old Daunte Culpepper announced his retirement. Now, roughly twenty-four hours later, Culpepper has decided to un-retire and wait for a serious injury to open up a starting QB spot. "I realized hey, it's not like I'm going to be sitting around waiting for someone to get hurt a€" that wouldn't be right. I'll be keeping an eye on injury reports a€" though as anyone in this league knows, injury reports don't tell the whole story."

"This is one former beauty pageant contestant that's not afraid to throw off the gloves and turn the ice into a bloody mess," lisped McCain's VP pick. "As soon as the puck drops I'm not out there to be your friend. I'll rip your heart out," she chirped, smiling broadly to emphasize her missing front teeth.

"This is one former beauty pageant contestant that's not afraid to throw off the gloves and turn the ice into a bloody mess," lisped McCain's VP pick. "As soon as the puck drops I'm not out there to be your friend. I'll rip your heart out," she chirped, smiling broadly to emphasize her missing front teeth.