Here we are, folks. Two weeks from the majestic triumph of human spirit, where all of the nations in the world set aside their differences and unite in competition to the glory of us all as we remain glued...come on. No, nobody really watches the Olympics anymore. Well, sometimes we watch the gymnastics for the internal strugle. (Oh my God, they'd be so hot in bed! Jesus, man, they look like they're eight years old... No, come on I think they're like 18. Yeah, but it's still got to be illegal, aren't there size restrictions? Don't you have to throw them back at that size?)

Anyhow, to commemorate the glorious ceremonies I am making a call to sports bloggers everywhere to compete in the First Annual Sports Blogolympics!

What is this wonderful thing I'm talking about? Have a seat, let me explain:

The Sports Blogolympics will take 5 different blog authors from across the Blogosphere and set them to the task of participating in 5 different events. These events have been strategically created to bring out the best in the upper echelon of sports bloggers everywhere. The Blogolympics events will include:

- The Hack - Give us your trite. Give us your cliche. Give us the best/worst hackneyed approach to sports journalism you could possibly muster. You choose the topic as long as it pertains to SOME kind of sport, just make sure it's some of the most cliched writing you can force into your keyboard.

- The Haiku - In honor of the Chinese Olympics, we're celebrating an art form created by the...uh...well...the Japanese. Nevermind that, the haiku is 17 simple syllables, but GREAT haiku can be some of the most difficult writing you can attempt. This event will consist of 4 different haikus on the following subjects: NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL. Yessir, sports haiku!

- The Heartfelt - Occasionally, sports can move you in a way that few can express. Sure, as bloggers, we're frequently hilarious. But, a true test of skill is pouring your heart into an article and moving someone. This event will consist of writing a powerful article on any sports moment in the history of sports. Check your wit at the door, you won't need it here.

- The Historical - Blogging is a relatively new form of media, which by linear thought would mean that most of the bloggers out there are relatively young themselves. So, for this event, you're going to have to get out your researcher hat and dig up and report on an interesting story that happened at LEAST 20 years ago. So, that would put the cut off date around 1988. Doesn't matter what sport you choose or what format you chose to go in (humorous, thought provoking, moving...), it just had to have happened at least 20 years ago.

- The Hilarious - Okay, this sounds easy: Be Hilarious. You started a blog, most likely, because you were sick of all the wet blanket, blowhards who do our typical sports reporting. Here's your chance to close out the events with your strong suit. The event will consist of writing the funniest article you can write on any sport event at any time in the history of sports. Sounds easy, huh? You may be surprised.

Events will be judged by a poll on each page of the Blogolympics voted on by your peers. Medals will be awarded for each event in the form of avatars that you can post on your blog. The winner of the 2008 Blogolympics will receive an additional avatar declaring that blogger to be the World Champion as well as a great prize (yet to be determined, but if I can't squeeze something out of a sponsor, I'll come out of pocket.)

If you're interested in competing, leave a comment on the article at ArmchairAssociation.com and give us your site name and URL (I would ask for your email, but I'll try to contact you via your contact on your site so that you don't have to put your address out there.) and type up a little something about why you should be selected to compete in the 2008 Blogolympics.

The competing five will be notified by Monday, July 28th. The first entry (The Hack) will be due by the following Sunday, August 3rd for judging. The entries will be available for voting from Sunday, August 3rd until Sunday, August 10th at which point the next event (The Haiku) will be due. This will be explained in more depth to the participants later on, as I'm sure I've lost 75% of those who opened this article by now.

So, if you're interested in participating, just comment within the article on ArmchairAssociation.com.

Good luck out there!

Get into it!!!

Apparently, this video won't embed, so you'd better just click on the link...

The MLB All-Star Game and all of the festivities that surround it are headed our way next week. My favorite event of the break is the Home Run Derby. It's been my favorite since I was a kid. It's the one chance in the season to see normally focused and restrained players break out of their shells and have some fun. There's sweaty man hugs with David Ortiz, there's houses to be won, there's backwards caps, and grown men falling over in fits of laughter.

Not to mention the multitude of towering home runs.

But, what effect do those myriad home runs on the players. You see them sweating and panting after Round 2, and damn near dead if they make it into the finals.

Read more at AmrchairAssociation.com...

Ever wonder which television or movie character best describes your favorite baseball team? No? Yeah, well, that's probably normal. But, now that your interest is piqued, let me lay 'em on the table for you:

Arizona Diamondbacks - The Monster from Cloverfield -

First, everything is normal. Business as usual. Then all of the sudden you show up, wreck up the place and disappear. Then, as we pull our heads out of the rubble, you sneak up on us again and kill everyone. No one knows how you got here or where you're going, but we know you're trouble.

Atlanta Braves - Michael Scott -

Somehow you made your way up the food chain to the top. Your position will for some reason always be secure, but while you're at the top of your division, you'll never quite make it all the way to the top, because you're not smart, you're kind of old, and run pretty poorly.

Baltimore Orioles - Jan Brady -

You're not as old or hot as Marsha and not as innocent and cute as Cindy. You're just stuck right in the middle and nobody besides George Glass ever notices you.

Boston Red Sox - The kids from Weird Science -

You couldn't get the job done for years, got constantly beat on by Chet, and decided to manufacture your own girl. Now everyone is jealous of you and everyone finally wants to be your friend.

Chicago Cubs - Derrick Zoolander -

You lovable loser you. You're devastatingly handsome, you get the hot chicks, and have yet to even unleash "Blue Steel". But, you always seem to mispronounce "Eugoogly" and embarrass yourself.

Chicago White Sox - Lucy Van Pelt -

Jealous that most people love your neighbor more than you, you claw and scratch your way to the top, only to find resentment and the fact that regardless of your accomplishments or failures, Charlie Brown will always be the favorite Peanuts character.

Cincinnati Reds - Creed Bratton -

A former scrappy powerhouse, you haven't aged well. Now you're dying your hair black and trying to use a Blackberry to look younger. But, poor management and your own paranoia keeps you down. Everyone is a little afraid of you, but they know deep down you're really just a creepy old man.

Cleveland Indians - Peter Petrelli -

You have gifts beyond your wildest imaginations. But, you can't control them. They don't always work when you want them to, and they misfire when you don't expect it. You could save the world, but there's something somewhere holding you back that we just can't fully understand.

Colorado Rockies - Freddy Krueger -

You thought, given your circumstances, that you were way too powerful to be defeated. So, you volunteered to put yourself at a disadvantage. You stepped out of the dream world and now you find yourself with your own glove stuck in your belly and a pipe bomb shoved in your chest. Boom!

Detroit Tigers - Dan Conner -

You married a fat chick, but no worries, you're fat too! You have no money and even though you're pretty subconsciously pissed off about what your life has become, people love and identify with you anyway.

Florida Marlins - The Doozers -

You build and you build and you create grand masterpieces out of nothing, then the Fraggles come along and eat the whole damn thing! Then you have to rebuild it. And you do. And it's once again a masterpiece. Then they eat it AGAIN! DAMMIT!

Houston Astros - E.B. Farnum -

You had clout back in the day. But, now you're a powerful man since being named mayor. But, despite the power and the title, you're a babbling fool and you tend to cower away and fall on your face to the delight of those around you. You could be so powerful if you only respected yourself.

Kansas City Royals - Corky -

Everyone pities you and gets excited when you do something good, but when you're not around everyone's a bit embarrassed to know you and makes fun of you a little.

Los Angeles Angels - Apu Nahasapeemapetilon -

With your nearly indecipherable name, you struggle for an identity. You're a major character in the show. You tend to come out ahead in the long run, but it's mostly due to the stupidity of those you associate with.

Los Angeles Dodgers - Matlock -

Your older fans remember you as the snappy Sherriff on The Andy Griffith Show. They grew up with you and will love you forever. Today's fans only know you as Matlock, and they're mostly just watching you totter around hoping you'll forget your medication and call the plaintiff Aunt Bea.

Milwaukee Brewers - Xena -

You constantly fight through adversity and wind up doing well for yourself. You have a reasonable fanbase of fat guys who can balance bowls of cheese curls on their bellies. But, those who don't watch you find you boring and don't really care what happens on your show.

Minnesota Twins - Homer Simpson -

Though largely inexplicable, you somehow end up on the good side of things. You bumble around with bad decisions and general buffoonery, yet at the end of the day people love you and you somehow manage to make ends meet against great odds.

New York Mets - Theo Huxtable -

With delusions of grandeur brought forth by being brought up in a wealthy household, you think you can go out and become a model and live on your own buying nice cars and hot women. In reality, you're dyslexic and will have to struggle through your existence to achieve mediocrity.

New York Yankees - Roy Stalin -

You're an egotistical jerk. You win everything, you get all the hot chicks. But, most everyone, aside from your chuckling meathead cronies, hates you. And, just like Lane Meyer kicked your ass on the K-12, you'll get yours.

Oakland Athletics - Les Stroud -

You're in the middle of nowhere. You have nothing. Yet, every episode you pull together some palm fronds, a few sticks, the tripod from your camera, some mud, and you survive every damn time.

Philadelphia Phillies - Zack Morris -

Cool, old school, and hot. You rule the school these days. But, everyone knows you're going to get into some hijinks and wind up in Mr. Belding's office for detention and daddy's going to take your Porche away.

Pittsburgh Pirates - Bill Haverchuck -

You hang out with a group of losers, yet somehow you have outted yourself as the biggest loser of them all.

San Diego Padres - Mrs. Garrett -

You teach your kids well. You expect better things of them, but the next thing you know, Tootie's bringing home a bong, Blair's sleeping with the football team, and Jo runs off to California on her motorcycle to find her kind of love. It's not long before you realize these kids are really bringing you down.

San Francisco Giants - Johnny Drama -

You've been reliant on your "bro" Vinnie Chase for so long, that you've forgotten what life is without him. Now that you've got your own apartment and Vinnie doesn't come around as much, the girls don't come around as much anymore, do they?

Seattle Mariners - Balki Bartokomous -

You haven't been popular since 1992, either. Now you're just Cousin Larry's foreign speaking roommate, good for a few laughs but most of us just happened across you accidentally.

St. Louis Cardinals - Jean Luc Picard -

Old and powerful. You are loved and respected by your fans. But, there is also a very large portion of the world who worship your predecessor. That portion hates you, yet you continue to thrive. But, deep down, you know you'll never be the captain that Kirk was.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays - Ralphie -

Still relatively a kid, although you're getting older. All you've ever wanted was that Red Rider BB Gun with a compass in the stock, and you keep getting pink bunny suits, socks, Chinese turkey… Well, look behind that desk, Tampa Bay, there might be a Red Rider back there THIS season.

Texas Rangers - Inspector Gadget -

You run around fighting crime, thinking that you look good as you do it. But, little do you know it's really just Penny and Brain covering for you. Without those two carrying you, you'd just be another idiot cop.

Toronto Blue Jays - Kimmy Gibler -

You come over and think you can hang out and be a part of the Tanner family. They treat you well, but in the long run you're just a weird looking, lanky secondary character on the show for goofy comic relief.

Washington Nationals - Becky Conner -

Everyone knows the REAL Becky left after a few seasons and was replaced by the chick from Scrubs. We can pretend we didn't notice for the sake of the show, but really the only reason we don't mention it is because you were a cranky little girl before and you're a cranky little girl now.

I was listening to ESPN Radio a few minutes ago and the two top headlines of the day were: Pac-Man Jones owes $20K to Caesar's Palace and Ross Tucker, former offensive lineman for the Patriots, says Belichick used Injured Reserve players for practice.

Really?

Is this what we've succumb to? These are the major headlines in sports today? My immediate reaction to both stories: So what?! It's time to put an end to the witch hunt. My favorite part of these stories is how every news outlet out there drops the same indignant line making reference to how ridiculous it is that "the media" keeps us wrapped up in these stories. As if all those OTHER media outlets are to blame. COME ON! You're all to blame (except this one, obviously)! So, just cut it out already!

Read more at ArmchairAssociation.com...

Well, little did most of America know, the 2008 MLB Amateur Draft kicks off on June 5th. Unlike the NFL Draft and it's months of hypothesizing and glory holing that goes on before it and the NBA Draft with their wily lottery draft. No, the MLB draft loses a little luster to the quick and to the point drafts of the NFL and NBA. With 50 rounds plus Supplemental drafts, the MLB draft is carried out in dark draft rooms over telephones with about as much fanfare as your wife has to watching your fantasy baseball draft.

Another reason that the MLB Draft draws as much attention as the World Series of Lumberjacks, besides the 41 more rounds that it has on the NFL and NBA combined, is that while most first rounders in the NFL and NBA become immediate stars, MLB first rounders quite often wash out easier than the cast of Cop Rock.

That being said, let's go through the past 20 years of #1 overall MLB draft picks and look at where they are now.

Read more at ArmchairAssociation.com...

Everywhere I look these days, grown men are talking about American Idol like they USED to talk about sports. Every week on the local 9:00 news, our FOX station has a segment on the goings on of this week's American Idol. And I'm not talking about at the end of the broadcast, after all the important news has been given. I'm talking about mid-broadcast, right after the "Body Found In A Dumpster" segment.

Today, I was driving back to work listening to what I thought was ESPN radio, when Tim Brando lit into his "Idol Update". For 15 minutes, this smiling douche rattled off about and I'm quoting because it infuriated me so, "Jason Castro...Caster Oil?...Castro? Caster Oil? It should be caster oil because he sounded like the way Caster Oil smells last week." What a lame effing pun job hacky thing to say about lameness.

Read more at ArmchairAssociation.com...

So, here we are again. The day that makes Vidal Sassoon their commissions as interns spend weeks slathering on hair gel and industrial grade sealants in preperation for today. I have cracked open a bottle on Absinthe that I got from a friend for Christmas. The Green Fairy is what they call it in France. I call it some licorice smelling anti-freeze. It tastes as bad as it smells. But, it was a gift, and it was the drink of such dignitaries as Edgar Allen Poe, Vincent Van Gogh, and Oscar Wilde. So, prepare yourselves for some poetic, esoteric, drunken masterwork right here... TODAY!

Plus, if the absinthe doesn't work, I've got a 12 pack of High Life to fall back on. Here we go, here comes Chris "Deux Deux Deux" Berman.

Read more at ArmchairAssociation.com...

Sitting in living rooms, kitchens, and agent's offices across America at this very moment are around 1000 players who have been poked, prodded, and pranced over the past few months trying to determine whether or not they're draft material. 255 of those 1000 will be deemed worthy tomorrow and Sunday. One test will weigh heavily on the minds of GMs and coaches throughout the NFL: The Wonderlic.

The Wonderlic is a 12-minute, 50-question quiz designed to test the general IQ of potential NFL meat. A perfect score is 50. To date, there has only been one football player to score a 50 on his Wonderlic assessment, Pat McInally of Havard University who went on to become a Pro-Bowl punter.

Quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick, also from Harvard University, was also believed to have scored a perfect 50. This claim was eventually proven to be false and he was outed as having a still excellent score of 38.

On average, NFL players' Wonderlic scores are as follows:

* Offensive tackle - 26

* Center - 25

* Quarterback - 24

* Guard - 23

* Tight end - 22

* Safety - 19

* Linebacker - 19

* Cornerback - 18

* Wide receiver - 17

* Fullback - 17

* Halfback - 16

Read more at ArmchairAssociation.com...

With the draft looming large in the minds of football fans everywhere, we're seeing mock draft after mock draft as well as the perennial "Worst #1 Picks EVER" lists that make Tim Couch and Ki-Jana Carter cry every year. Well, enough of this nonsense! Let's be positive for a moment and discuss the Top 10 Greatest Mr. Irrelevants of the past 30 years.

Now over the years, we've seen some gargantuan flops in the first pick. Those hurt. That's money and time wasted poorly. You've seen those names ad nauseum, so I won't dip back into that well. We've seen big timers come from NEARLY the last pick, even as currently as Marques Colston in 2006 as the 252nd overall selection. We've had Donald Driver in 1999 at 213. 1993 saw the drafting of Trent Green at #222 and America's sweetheart, Troy Brown at #198. Even all the way back in 1978, Bill Kenney, a QB out of Northern Colorado was selected the pick before last and went on to be a Pro Bowl QB for the Kansas City Chiefs and eventually a Senator in Missouri.

But, what about those guys who squeaked in when everyone else in the world, other GMs included, has completely lost interest? Let's go through the years and find the best of the worst:

Throughout the years of all sports, evolutions occur. In basketball, guards and forwards morphed into point guards, shooting guards, power forwards, and small forwards. Baseball developed closers, setup men, and long relievers from the solitary position of pitcher. Hell, even football has developed the third down back and the slot receiver out of it's original positions.

However, one being seems impervious to the call of evolution. The quarterback.

Just in time for the NFL Draft, the NFL has released its 2008-2009 regular season schedule for your perusal. Enjoy and discuss...

What's the number one excuse why baseball fans don't play fantasy sports? "*sniffle* I just don't have time to change my pitchers out every day for six months!" Exactly, and for some reason, the sniffle is always there.

Well, there's a site now...and let me preface this by saying that, while this may sound like spam, it most certainly is not. I'm not getting anything out of this blurb at all. I am bringing this up because the idea behind it is so brilliant that I can't believe it hasn't been done before. So, ahem...back to the previous statement, there's a site now, DraftMix.com, where you can go play fantasy baseball in leagues that run as short as a day and as long as a week. You can play for free or you can play for money.

The idea started from wanting to create a poker site. But, current legislation brought that concept to a halt, which in the grand scheme of things was a total blessing. Out of a grounded poker room attempt came the best idea I've heard in fantasy sports in a long time.

If you've played online poker, the feel is familiar. You enter the draft room, and you see a list of open draft rooms (just like open tables in poker). Choose a room and enter it. When the draft begins you pick your team amongst the other managers just as you would once a season in normal fantasy baseball. But, with DraftMix, if you pick a week long league and you draft on Saturday, your league will finish up and the winner will be determined the following Friday. There's no bench players, there's no swapping out pitchers.

Everyone knows the most fun you have during a fantasy season is during the draft, so why limit yourself to doing them once a year? Draft whenever you want and compete with the team you draft rather than doing a mock draft and saying, "Yep, that's a good team."

I'm telling you, I've played around on DraftMix for the past year and love it. I just wanted to spread the love.

Every league is going to be chock full of unimaginative, boring team names like Sith Lords or KLM1972 or Colorado Cubs. It's awful. Me being the type to harp over a team name longer than I do when I'm debating on whether to use my #1 waiver priority on Johnny Cueto or not, I'm generally proud of the names I come up with.

While I'm on the subject, you may play with a team named this, and I have a friend who has played with me for years and he one day decided to not only use it, but claim that HE, in fact, was the first to use it. I'm here to stake claim to The Money Shots right here and now. Feel free to use it, but like Richard Lewis with "the (blank) from hell." I just want you to know who coined the team name.

Let's delve into the magnificent world of some of the more offensive fantasy baseball team names, some of which I played against, some of which I just made up for this article:

There are three general types of people that you are going to encounter in your average fantasy baseball (or any sport, really) league. There's the guy who got in over his head, didn't realize the amount of time necessary for fantasy baseball and now only makes appearances in the league a few times a month when the message board is filled with posts calling for his head for playing with a team full of DLs. There's the guy who checks his team frequently, but always has a bitch about how he's got a "REAL job" and he doesn't have time to sit up until waivers clear at 2:00AM or peruse the trading block all day from 8 to 5, therefore his team suffers and he harbors a grudge against everyone else with make believe jobs. Then, there's the guy who IS up until 2:00AM waiting for waivers to clear, he's the first to snatch up Dan Wheeler as he picks up his first save, and then declares everyone else in the league to be decidedly retarded for their inability to beat him to the punch.

Sadly, it's very frequent that personality #3 is in contention. Also unfortunately, the majority of us fall under personality #2. So, what that means for us is that in order to compete in a league of the over zealous, we must fight dirty. We must take advantages where ever and whenever they may come. So, I preface this article by saying the following are despicable acts that will probably piss someone off, but as Steinbrenner could tell you if he wasn't quivering with demetia, is that the morally deficient can and will succeed. So, if you're up to fighting dirty, here's some ideas: