No brains, all brawn: The best dumb, fun action movies

Rebecca Hall saying “Kong bows to no one!” is the quintessential “dumb, fun” action movie sort of thing. That is the essence of what makes these sorts of movies work. A talented actor saying something wonderfully silly in a film where the plot barely batters. Kong and Godzilla battle one another, and then they battle Mecha-Godzilla together. It’s goofy, and it rules. The sequel is also in line with this.

Edgar Wright’s “Hot Fuzz” is a loving homage to dumb, delightful action movies. It actively references “Bad Boys II” on multiple occasions. To Wright and his crew, Michael Bay’s sequel to “Bad Boys” is the definitive text of this subgenre. The first movie is not subtle. The second film, though? It made “Bad Boys” look like a Costas-Gavras movie.

Every movie in the “Fast & Furious” series is dumb. However, we don’t find many of them terribly fun. Considering that “Hobbs & Shaw” made the cut, though, it would seem the oh-so-serious Vin Diesel is the problem. Diesel is decidedly not involved in “Hobbs & Shaw,” which is built around Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham. Both guys know how to have fun and help the audience have fun in turn. Plus, there was no need to worry about the needlessly convoluted plot of the series proper.

If you remember, “Independence Day” as just a good, straightforward action movie, maybe revisit it. The whole thing is goofy as all get out. The computer virus. Will Smith punching an alien and saying, “Welcome to Earth.” Everything Randy Quaid says and does. It’s slick, which is a big part of why it is fun. However, it’s also utterly ridiculous. Every emotional moment doesn’t work. Most of the action scenes do. There you have it.

If you are talking to fans of this particular style of film, there’s a good chance they like the “Resident Evil” series. Based on one of the quintessential horror video game series, “Resident Evil” is a franchise that stars Milla Jovovich as that series’ protagonist Alice. As “Resident Evil” went on, the series embraced the over-the-top nature more and more. “The Final Chapter” is the last of the franchise, and is also generally considered the best of the bunch. Do you need to see the whole franchise before watching “The Final Chapter?” Of course not! If you did, it wouldn’t be a proper dumb, fun action movie.

Spoiler: Nicolas Cage makes a few appearances on this list. It would be hard to have a list of dumb, fun action movies without multiple Cage appearances. “National Treasure” is his family-friendly version of this. There’s a treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence. Need we say more?

Back to Cage! “Face/Off” is directed by the master of the over-the-top, barely coherent action movie John Woo. Cage plays a criminal who swaps faces with a lawman played by John Travolta. Travolta spends much of the movie doing a Cage impression, while Cage does a Travolta impression. It’s utterly bananas, but deeply fun.

“Pain don’t hurt” is another telltale line that lets you know just what kind of movie you’re watching. Oh, also if a movie is about a famous bouncer, that probably helps too. Patrick Swayze becomes the head of security at the Double Deuce, and then a bunch of ludicrous stuff happens. “Road House” had enough of a legacy to earn a remake starring Jake Gyllenhaal.

Alright, one last Cage. We didn’t want to overdo it, because Cage love is a little overcooked these days, but “Con Air” is a must-have in a list like this. John Malkovich and Steve Buscemi chew so much scenery. A bunch of convicts take over a convict transfer plane. Good thing Cage is a convict who is actually a good guy, because he can help save the day.

If Jean-Claude Van Damme is starring your movie, it likely isn’t high art. “Sudden Death” certainly falls under that umbrella. It’s an action movie that takes place at Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, where JCVD is a fire marshal who just so happens to be at the game when terrorists take hostages and threaten to blow up the arena. At one point Van Damme dresses like the Penguins' goalie, and another time he fights a terrorist dressed like the Penguins' mascot. It rules.

Bay is certainly in the running for the king of this subgenre. “Armageddon” has perhaps the dumbest plot of any of his movies, and he directed multiple “Transformers” movies. While the film is best remembered for Aerosmith’s huge hit from the soundtrack “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing,” let’s not forget the plot. Oil riggers are trained to be astronauts so they can go into space to blow up an asteroid that is going to hit Earth. Having a killer cast helped shoulder the load.

Sylvester Stallone plays a cryogenically frozen cop named John Spartan. Wesley Snipes plays a cryogenically frozen criminal named Simon Phoenix. Taco Bell is the only restaurant left in the future. There are so many jokes about a too-PC future world. The thing is, there is 10-percent cleverness mixed in with the 90-percent dumbness. That actually proves crucial. “Demolition Man” is not fully off the wall, which helps the film thread the needle.

At times, “The Running Man” is perhaps a bit too dark to be fun, but it still works all in all. After all, the premise is that Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a wrongfully convicted man who is in a game show where convicts can earn freedom by escaping a litany of professional killers. Would you believe the show is actually corrupt? What’s cool is that Richard Dawson, the iconic host of “Family Feud,” plays the evil host of the show.

“Jaws” is a really good movie, but it spawned several silly imitators. “Piranha” is perhaps the most famous, but it’s too good for this list. “The Meg” is more an imitator of those imitators, blown up to the craziest level possible. Statham is back in a movie that basically asks, “What if a shark was giant?” and then asks, “And then what if another shark was even more giant?” The sequel is perhaps a little lackluster, but “The Meg” is worth watching.

Yes, “Charlie’s Angels” knows it’s dumb. Tom Green is in it. The whole thing has a goofy patina to it, and the movie is winking at you. However, it is not a full-on comedy, and it isn’t being ironic. There’s a plot and character arcs and fight scenes. Just because a movie embraces the silliness and lets you know that everybody knows the score doesn’t mean it isn’t dumb. “Charlie’s Angels” is a delightful watch, and by telling you to turn your brain off like 30 seconds in, you can get right to having fun.

It’s easy to forget, but “The Terminator” is a wonderfully nasty horror movie. “Judgement Day” is a massive action blockbuster, but a good one. Every film after “Rise of the Machines” is a snooze. This movie is the one that threads the needle. It’s a little goofy, and James Cameron’s slick directing isn’t there, but there’s enough fresh about it to really work in its way.

David Leitch directed “Hobbs & Shaw,” and that was successful enough (well, that and “Deadpool 2”) that he got to make “Bullet Train.” We’ll be honest. For the first 30 minutes or so, we were worried “Bullet Train” would fall flat. The characters feel a hair too quirky, and it threatens to fall into being too over the top. Fortunately, it all came together, and “Bullet Train” turned out to be a ton of fun, even if it is also pretty absurd.

John Carpenter pulled off a rare feat. “Big Trouble in Little China” is basically a parody of this kind of action movie, but prior to that he made one of these action movies. The guy is so talented “Escape from New York” hums. However, it’s silly as hell. The movie feels just south of being campy, but Kurt Russell is playing a dude with an eye patch named Snake Plissken and Isaac Hayes is the bad guy. It works, but it’s not exactly high art.

“Batman & Robin” sucks. It’s not even really “so bad, it’s good.” It’s just a bummer of a mess. However, “Batman Forever” was able to hit “fun” even with all its dumbness. Val Kilmer replaced Michael Keaton as Batman, and he’s…fine. Chris O’Donnell is not good as Robin, but in a way that manages to make the movie better. He says, “Joo wanna take a ride in my love ma-cheen, bay-bay?” and we will remember that on our deathbed. Jim Carrey chews so much scenery as Riddler, whose real name is Edward Nygma. Did Tommy Lee Jones, as is oft-rumored, actually say to Carrey while filming, “I will not sanction this buffoonery?” We can only hope.

“Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle” is just straight-up good. It’s not exactly subtle, but it’s a well-crafted action-comedy that justifies the reimagining of the 1995 original’s premise. The sequel, though, is feeling itself, and it just sort of does whatever they felt like. There are more characters and more actors. Dwayne Johnson does a Danny DeVito impression. It’s not as good of a movie, because it is dumb, but it remains quite fun.